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FORMAT: Movie
TITLE: Alexander
ACTORS: Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto
01. I think I would go insane if I had either of Alexander's parents. The other walks around with snakes wrapped around her legs, the father tries to rape said mother in front of him, and then drags him into this creepy, dank cave to talk about the Gods? (Where snakes live, btw?) No wonder he went loopy towards the end of the movie...
02. THE ACCENTS. SO, SO, SO BAD.
03. The Battle of Gaugamela was amazing. I know next to nothing about Persian battle tactics, but I thought they showed the commanding of the huge armies really well. The movements of the phalanxes were incredible to watch. Even if you could barely see what was happening at times, thanks to the dust bowl that they were fighting in, I actually thought (being a hardened battle veteran myself, *cough*) that the scene was incredibly realistic. For one thing, in all of the other movies I've seen, the main characters only get bloody enough so that it's sexy. I was also really impressed by the tactics they used to organize the army. (Especially on Alexander's part.) But omg, LOL at Alexander's RIDICULOUS helmet.
Did I mention that there were battle camels?!
04. Alexander wears shorter skirts than the girls at my school do.
05. Most of the dialogue here sounds like they're trying way too hard to get in a quote book or something. Did normal people actually talk like that back then?
06. The narratives that they did were very helpful, considering it took me awhile to figure out who the heck Alexander was fighting for. The only problem I had with them was that they mentioned places that I've never heard of, much less know the location of.
07. Now that I think of it, Angelina Jolie's character Olympias actually looks like she could be related to Julie Christie's Thetis in Troy, and since Olympias was claiming relation to Achilles that was kind of cool. Angelina and Colin have amazing chemistry together--you pretty much can't look away whenever they're talking. Maybe it was just my twisted mind, but I kept thinking they were going to kiss. And they did, but not in the way I was imagining it.
08. I'm not exactly sure why that old guy, Parmenion, was killed on Alexander's orders...
ETA: Apparently it was because Alexander killed his son, whose name I don't remember at the moment but whose death was featured in the movie, and didn't want him to seek revenge.
09. Alexander just gets hotter with age. Not to mention, his kiss with Bagoas? SO HOT. Why didn't they show him doing that with Hephaistion, whom he was actually in love with?
10. Cleitus was very hot, until he got killed. =(
11. When they flashed back to the scene of Philip's murder, I kept thinking to myself, "Why would you ever go into that tunnel alone?!" I wish they had explained how Olympias had her hand in it, because I'll bet she did...
12. I totally called the elephants appearing. Now, all we need is for Alexander's horse and Hephaistion to die.
13. I really wouldn't want to fight those elephants. They look very vicious... WTF at the horse and the elephant rearing up at the same time? They had all this dramatic music going on in the background and I just wanted to laugh. Which I did. Amply. It was so ridiculous. Then, of course, Alexander's horse gets killed and Hephaistion gets wounded but (as I found out later) not killed. Yet.
14. After Alexander was shot, they switched the entire battle scene to this weird red lighting, which was okay for about a minute and then started to get really old.
15. Aw, Hephaistion looks so cute when he's injured! ♥
16. Damnit, Hephaistion died! >___< And over something so stupid as typhus!
17. I totally called Alexander's water being fatal. He probably got typhus, too, because he looked the exact same as Hephaistion did when he died. However, at the end of the movie, the guy was like, "Everyone knew him as Megas Alexandros," and I don't know about you, but I've never heard that name before.
18. Final note about Angelina's performance: Man, she is an excellent actress. The last shot of her at the end when Alexander had died was just brilliant. All of the fire had gone out of her, and she looked like she had nothing else left to live for. Call her a homewrecker all you want, Jen-supporters, but she's a much better actress than Aniston can ever hope to be.
TITLE: Alexander
ACTORS: Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto
01. I think I would go insane if I had either of Alexander's parents. The other walks around with snakes wrapped around her legs, the father tries to rape said mother in front of him, and then drags him into this creepy, dank cave to talk about the Gods? (Where snakes live, btw?) No wonder he went loopy towards the end of the movie...
02. THE ACCENTS. SO, SO, SO BAD.
03. The Battle of Gaugamela was amazing. I know next to nothing about Persian battle tactics, but I thought they showed the commanding of the huge armies really well. The movements of the phalanxes were incredible to watch. Even if you could barely see what was happening at times, thanks to the dust bowl that they were fighting in, I actually thought (being a hardened battle veteran myself, *cough*) that the scene was incredibly realistic. For one thing, in all of the other movies I've seen, the main characters only get bloody enough so that it's sexy. I was also really impressed by the tactics they used to organize the army. (Especially on Alexander's part.) But omg, LOL at Alexander's RIDICULOUS helmet.
Did I mention that there were battle camels?!
04. Alexander wears shorter skirts than the girls at my school do.
05. Most of the dialogue here sounds like they're trying way too hard to get in a quote book or something. Did normal people actually talk like that back then?
06. The narratives that they did were very helpful, considering it took me awhile to figure out who the heck Alexander was fighting for. The only problem I had with them was that they mentioned places that I've never heard of, much less know the location of.
07. Now that I think of it, Angelina Jolie's character Olympias actually looks like she could be related to Julie Christie's Thetis in Troy, and since Olympias was claiming relation to Achilles that was kind of cool. Angelina and Colin have amazing chemistry together--you pretty much can't look away whenever they're talking. Maybe it was just my twisted mind, but I kept thinking they were going to kiss. And they did, but not in the way I was imagining it.
08. I'm not exactly sure why that old guy, Parmenion, was killed on Alexander's orders...
ETA: Apparently it was because Alexander killed his son, whose name I don't remember at the moment but whose death was featured in the movie, and didn't want him to seek revenge.
09. Alexander just gets hotter with age. Not to mention, his kiss with Bagoas? SO HOT. Why didn't they show him doing that with Hephaistion, whom he was actually in love with?
10. Cleitus was very hot, until he got killed. =(
11. When they flashed back to the scene of Philip's murder, I kept thinking to myself, "Why would you ever go into that tunnel alone?!" I wish they had explained how Olympias had her hand in it, because I'll bet she did...
12. I totally called the elephants appearing. Now, all we need is for Alexander's horse and Hephaistion to die.
13. I really wouldn't want to fight those elephants. They look very vicious... WTF at the horse and the elephant rearing up at the same time? They had all this dramatic music going on in the background and I just wanted to laugh. Which I did. Amply. It was so ridiculous. Then, of course, Alexander's horse gets killed and Hephaistion gets wounded but (as I found out later) not killed. Yet.
14. After Alexander was shot, they switched the entire battle scene to this weird red lighting, which was okay for about a minute and then started to get really old.
15. Aw, Hephaistion looks so cute when he's injured! ♥
16. Damnit, Hephaistion died! >___< And over something so stupid as typhus!
17. I totally called Alexander's water being fatal. He probably got typhus, too, because he looked the exact same as Hephaistion did when he died. However, at the end of the movie, the guy was like, "Everyone knew him as Megas Alexandros," and I don't know about you, but I've never heard that name before.
18. Final note about Angelina's performance: Man, she is an excellent actress. The last shot of her at the end when Alexander had died was just brilliant. All of the fire had gone out of her, and she looked like she had nothing else left to live for. Call her a homewrecker all you want, Jen-supporters, but she's a much better actress than Aniston can ever hope to be.
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